Dean and Mindy get grumpy

Pet Peeves 

When we visit a church, and especially when we write about a church, one of our primary rules is Dalton’s number one rule in Road House: “Be nice!” We usually visit a church once, so if something goes wrong, we have to assume it’s an anomaly. Our purpose is to build up the church, not tear it down, so we try to write about good things, as much as we can. If we should visit a church (or a bar, for that matter) with nothing to recommend it, we just won’t write about it. 

Sometimes churches do things that make us wonder, as outsiders, if they're just silly. There’s also stuff that makes us angry. This week we’re pointing out a few of our pet peeves without pointing and snickering at any particular church (but we hope they know who they are.)

First off, is it too much to ask that the bread used for communion taste better than salt-free play-dough? Catholics have long used flavorless wafers, but increasingly, Protestants also seem to be trying for an efficient Lord’s Supper with bulk purchases of little packets of a styrofoam cracker atop a plastic thimble of grape juice -- an arrangement that makes Oliver Twist’s meal of gruel look like a Michelin-starred meal. Jesus said of the bread He gave His disciples, “This is my body, broken for you.” Whether you believe that the bread miraculously becomes the Body of Christ or that it is a symbol of Christ’s sacrifice, why would you want to associate Jesus with bland (or downright unpleasant) flavor? I can understand leaving yeast out of the bread as a symbol of sinlessness. Cool. But tasty yeastless bread (even tasty gluten-free, yeast-free bread) exists, both store-bought and homemade. Some churches serve GOOD BREAD and even GOOD WINE to show that the Kingdom of God is a feast. More churches should.

Another thing. We’ve visited churches that share their buildings with congregations that use a different language (Spanish, Korean, American Sign Language, etc.) In the vast majority of these churches, the English language congregations had the Sunday morning time slots for worship, and the other language congregations got the afternoon or evening for their gatherings. I’m sure the churches have good and sound reasons for the arrangement of their worship services, but from the outside, it looks like the English language services are the real ones, and the other worship services are afterthoughts (at best).

Furthermore, do we really need collecting the offering to be a thing anymore? In particular, should time in the worship service be dedicated to passing a plate, a basket, or a bag to collect money? We’ve been at many worship services where empty bowls and buckets move along the row. It’s not that people aren’t giving, it’s just that people often give to the church in different ways -- through direct deposit or donating online -- even mailing in checks or using a dedicated kiosk just outside the worship center. Those empty vessels moving back and forth through the congregation are just sad. (We have been to a couple of churches where the congregation danced up to the offering baskets and dropped in their money, accompanied by singing and drums. That’s a whole other activity).

When we’re thinking about awkward parts of worship services, how about those greeting times? Some folks seem to want to shake every hand in the house, murmuring “Peace” or “Good Morning” without looking anyone in the eye. Other people don’t really want to shake anyone’s hand, so they’ll do the minimum, one or two of their immediate neighbors, and quickly sit down. When we’re visiting, we wonder if we’re supposed to give our name, if we should wait and listen for an answer when we ask, “how are you?” What do we do if the church happens to be one that practices the biblical “kiss of peace?” That feels a bit intimate when you’re a first time visitor.

And finally, may I rant about one word? There is a song -- which I like -- called “Reckless Love” by Cory Asbury. It’s getting a lot of airplay on Christian radio, and we’ve heard it in several churches. The song is about the wonder and bounty of God’s love for us, which is obviously a worthy theme, but I wonder if Asbury looked up the definition of “reckless” in the dictionary. Merriam-Webster says it means “careless of consequences.” The Oxford English Dictionary defines it, “without thinking or caring about consequences.” If you just Google the word, you’ll find these synonyms: rash, careless, thoughtless, hasty, impulsive.

I see the intent of the word in the song, but God’s plan to save us was not thoughtless, it was very thoughtful. It was not hasty -- according to Ephesians 1:4, His plan to save us was laid out before the world was made. God carefully considered the consequences, including the death of His Son, and moved forward. “Amazing Grace,” is an incredible description of God’s love. “Reckless Love,” not so much.

I could go on, but I can only take so many people tweeting Matthew 7:1. Those calls not to judge are totally fair. So next week we’re back to being nice.

St. John the Baptist Catholic Church, Healdsburg

Let's start out with my admission that no sé español. And yes, I did have to look that phrase up. 

Sure, I know "señor" is often "Mister," but it's
"Lord" in church. And I've watched enough Pepé le Pew that I know that "amor" is love (and yes, I know the skunk is French, but it's a common Romance languages thing). But most of what was said and read during worship in the Spanish language service of St. John's Catholic Church in Healdsburg, I couldn't comprehend -- except for the most important thing, which was Christ being honored.

This service is easily the largest regular gathering for worship (or probably regular gathering of any kind) in Healdsburg. Our guess is that the sanctuary comfortably seats about 600 people and it was packed (as we were told it is most every Sunday). Of course, Healdsburg is not unique in having a well-attended Spanish language service, and it's certainly not unique in the history of the United States.


With the flood of immigrants into the United States in the 19th Century, the Catholic Church soon overtook every individual Protestant denomination to become the leading denomination in the United States. Many church historians assumed that this took place because the immigrants were devout Catholics who came over and continued their churchgoing habits.



But church historians Roger Finke and Rodney Stark argue that something quite different happened. They argue that many from the five largest groups of immigrants (Germans, Italians, Poles, French and Mexicans) were not particularly devout in their home countries. But when they came to the States, they flocked to churches that offered a common language and traditions with the homeland they had left. They note "because Catholic parishes are geographical units, they are often very homogeneous in terms of class or ethnicity." As late as 1916, half (49%) of all Catholics in the U.S. attended a parish where a language other than English was used (at the time, of course, Latin was used in all Catholic churches, but the reference was to language used for the sermon, announcements, etc.). The church grew partly because it was a place where people's native language could be heard.


We went to two services at St. John's Sunday, an English language service at 10:00 am and the Spanish language service at noon. We were curious what differences there might be between the two services. The order of service was the same, the same priest conducted both services and both services ran about an hour. In both services we couldn't find a bulletin, though everybody around us had one, so we often had a difficult time finding the words and music to the songs being sung. There were also a number of differences between the two services, in spite of both using the order of service for the fifth Sunday in Ordinary time (as announced at both services).











Different songs were used throughout the service. Whereas in the 10:00 am service there was a piano and small choir downstairs, in the noon service there was a lively group singing in the balcony to the accompaniment of a keyboard and (maybe) other instruments. The only song I could sing along with was a chorus with the lyrics, "Aleluya, aleluya, aleluya" (which I was able to translate to "Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia").

In both services there were two offerings, one after the other; the first general and the second for the facilities. A second offering seemed to be a usual thing. We greatly enjoyed watching a very tiny girl in a pink dress gripping a dollar bill. She wandered the aisle until an usher lowered the offering basket so she could perform a slam dunk with the buck.





There were quite a few young children, members of young families, in the service. There was quite a diversity of ages, old to young. The noon sermon was in Spanglish, often sounding like this, "Spanish, Spanish, Spanish, so we must remember, Spanish, Spanish" or "So this cute little girl, Spanish, Spanish, donut". We could tell it was a different sermon from the sermon in the English service, which focused on Pope Francis. There was no mention of Francis in the noon sermon and no mention a little girl in Ukiah asking about donuts in the 10:00 am sermon. The theme of both, however, seemed to be that authentic speech has authority, as described in Deuteronomy 18:15-20 and Mark 1:21-28.

Something else that differed between the services was the celebration of the presentation of the Baby Jesus at the Temple. Many people brought specially dressed dolls representing Jesus, each crowned and sitting on a throne-like chair, to place on the platform at the front to commemorate the event.





I have to say that as a Protestant I'm not entirely comfortable with this or many other aspects of the service. Prayers to Mary and various saints, transubstantiation, icons and ceremonies like these not only make me uncomfortable but I find theologically unsound. But the Apostle's Creed was recited by the congregation, and it contains the very essence of sound theology. That does my Evangelical, Fundamentalist heart good.


-- Dean

Statistics:

Service Length: 1 hour

Sermon Length: 8 minutes

Visitor Treatment: nothing particular, but the "passing of the peace" at both services was warm and sincere. An acquaintance we'd seen at the 10:00 am service waited and sat with us at the noon service.

Our Rough Count: 520, or about 8 people per row

Probable Ushers' Count: 650, or about 10 people per row (according to a sign, room capacity is 1250)

Snacks: donuts and other treats for sale in front of the church afterward. We don't know for sure, but these may be individual family enterprises

Miles to Place: 10

Total California Miles: 3550