Guest Post: Church Ladies

Our daughter, Paige Lowe, posted this on her Facebook page, but we thought it had ideas that others in churches -- and church leadership -- need to hear. She gave us permission to post it here. 

The photos are from a variety of churches across the country, but not from the one Paige visited this week. 

Dear American church,

I love you. Let's talk.

I went to a church this morning (that shall remain nameless. They seemed like nice people) and when I opened the bulletin, I was greeted by an insert listing all their life groups (Bible studies in hip modern church speak).

I was impressed by the sheer number of groups, but as I began to look, I got more and more frustrated. There were 20 groups. Five of those groups were focused on parents or moms (moms, working moms, parents, parents of young kids). None of them were specifically for dads, but don't worry, men. Four other groups were just for you, and none of them take place during work hours. Are you 30+? There's a group for you. If you're in recovery, there are 3 groups for you (two of those specifically for women). Couples? There are a few groups for you, too (unclear whether or not any of them apply to those who are couples with someone who watches Dragon Ball Super instead of going to church on Sunday mornings).

Women's groups for the weird non-moms in non-crisis? There's a women's group for women at "all ages and stages" on 9:30 am on a Wednesday, so I guess you’re welcome as long as your age and stage isn't "employed in a standard weekday job.”

The problem isn't just this church. Most churches I've been to seem to forget there are working women without children. And this church isn't awful. After my initial frustration, I noticed two meetings for "Families of all ages, couples, and singles," which helps. But still, I have beef.

When someone walks into a church and sees everyone catered to but them, it makes them feel like they don't belong there. The women who aren't in a lovely Christian couple might have even more desire for a Christian community than moms who get together with their husbands for devotions every morning (is that what you guys do? I assume it's what you guys do. It sounds adorable).

I don't expect any church to have a group specifically for "25 year old women who married heathens and like to watch sitcoms," (although if your church does have that, call me), but I think we can do better.

The fact that women are the church's largest demographic, and single working women make up a huge chunk of that but aren't covered under any targeted groups like men or moms, says a lot about who the church is focusing on. Those women with free time, energy and skills. They want to care about your congregation and can contribute *so much*. The fact that I've seen churches across the country who KNOW it's the 21st century, but still plan women's Bible studies as if none of us work says that we still have a long way to go.

How do we solve it? Thanks for asking! There's a ton of ways. Here’s a few ideas:

1. Stop having your only women's group during the workday. Just. Stop. Or at least stop pretending that group is a viable option for every woman in the church.*

2. Have more groups that aren't focused on demographics. Maybe I missed it, but I don't remember Paul ever saying that the church is best when sectioned off into "30 something couples" and "Men 50 and older." Although I can see the value of having people who understand your life experience, that experience isn't defined solely through the US Census demographics. Sure, men probably don't understand your problems with patriarchy, and women might not understand guys’ issues with...um, emotions? The draft? We'll probably understand better if we meet and talk about life together.

3. Have interest groups! I've heard of churches that have board game groups. I had a ton of fun meeting with friends and talking about God in Doctor Who. Some churches have knitting groups that sound super boring to me, but are a great way to meet and talk and share. Interests don't have any built in "you can't come," just a built in "You might not care." If people find things that they're passionate about, it can help other people come in.

Whew. That was long. And probably didn't cover everything. BUT if you took nothing else from this:

Where are the women? Not your Bible studies if you only put them on weekday mornings.



*Dean and Mindy’s note: If your goal is to reach only women 70 years and older, this is a perfectly reasonable time. If you want to get older women out at night, suggesting that younger women share rides could be a solution. What are your ideas?

Trinity Church, Congregational, Bolton

Sam was quite obviously frustrated. Wires were hanging from the ceiling of her kitchen where she had been trying to repair a light fixture that just wouldn’t work. Mindy remarked that electrical work made her brain glaze over, and Sam said she felt exactly the same. She’s a widow with six kids, and it takes work and some special  skills to keep up the house. A small group Bible study meets every Friday night at the house. We were there with group members Alex and Joanna Langberg (Mindy went to college with Joanna).

Alex and Joanna’s church, Trinity, began with a Bible study in the 1960’s. A group of women, some who went to church and some who didn’t, met regularly. The women didn’t feel any of the churches in the area had enough depth in their study of Scripture, and they urged their husbands to join their Bible study. Some did; these folks started the church in 1963.

They were able to buy farm property, and their first meetings were held in the barn. They were able to get a bank loan to renovate the barn’s interior, turning the barn into a sanctuary.  In the 1970s, they began building a new structure, and ten years later,  they added to that building and built the current sanctuary. They continue to plan and build.

I talked to a variety of people about how they came to the church and what they appreciate about Trinity.

Greg is a sophomore in high school. When he was in elementary school, he asked his family if they could visit Trinity because he had friends who went to the church. His family did, and everyone in the family liked the church. Greg likes the youth group, appreciating his friendships there. He also likes the summer youth group trips. There is a rotation of three different trips: backpacking, Creation (a Christian music festival), and a missions trip to Jackson, Mississippi, where the team works with Voice of Calvary, founded by John Perkins. Students work on the houses of the poor and learn about the causes of poverty.

Greg is looking forward to helping with Vacation Bible School the next week. He expects to lead a group of 3rd graders as well as helping with skits (playing an “underwater robot” and belaying on a rope from the rafters, which he thought the kids would enjoy).  

John is the sexton (basically a kind of property manager) of the church. He’s had the job six years, but he’s attended the church for twenty. When they were searching for a church to attend , they were discouraged by many churches in the area. John’s wife would refer to churches as “cold” or “dark,” but when she came to Trinity, she called it “warm” and “light.” John was impressed when a woman he talked to on this first visit treated him like she’d known him for years.

Another man I talked to, Steve, said many Congregational churches in the area are like social clubs, “which is fine,” but he was impressed by Trinity because they taught “the actual Gospel of Jesus Christ and believed it.”

Before the service I met Deb, a missionary with CRU (formerly Campus Crusade for Christ). She’ll do the missions talks for VBS, and she was talking about her work during the worship service that morning as well. She came to Trinity when she was a little girl. She came to trust in Christ through the children’s ministries of the church, including VBS and Pioneer Girls. She was given her first Bible by a woman in the church, and the church supported her when she went with CRU to serve overseas and when she returned to serve CRU in Orlando, Florida.

I was happy to hear that the church supports the local ministry Young Life, an outreach to High School students. (I worked as a Young Life volunteer in college and seminary.) The church was instrumental in bringing the organization to the area. They provide office space for the local Young Life area director. (Our friends Joanna and Alex serve on the local Young Life committee. Their grown kids attended YL Club when they were in high school.) The church also supports a local crisis pregnancy center among other local ministries and missions organizations.

We attended the 9:30 am Sunday worship service (during the summer there’s just one service, but during the rest of the year there are two services.) Eric Wilder, the Associate Pastor for Youth and Young Adults, made the announcements. Apparently the new church pictorial directory has been a long time coming, and he announced that they’d finally arrived. He said he believed their arrival may have been foretold in the Book of Revelation as a sign of Christ’s Second Coming. He also announced that ice cream scoopers were still needed for Thursday night’s VBS community night. He also encouraged non-scoopers to come in order to get to know the parents of the children who came to VBS.

The church apparently has a choir, but they weren’t singing the morning we were there. (They might not meet in the summer -- we forgot to ask.) The worship band led the congregation in choruses and hymns (we could follow along and sing via words in the bulletin, in the hymnal, and on the screen).

Pastor David Smith was in the midst of a series on spiritual gifts, speaking on some of the “Office” gifts of apostle, pastor, and evangelist. He added that even though we may not have a certain spiritual gift doesn’t mean we are exempt from practicing. For instance, just because we don’t have the gift of mercy doesn’t mean we should not show mercy -- so this sermon wasn’t just for people with those office gifts.

Speaking of evangelism, he told a story he had heard from a man in the church. Gene was on a plane flight, and felt he should share the Gospel with the man seated next to him. After his presentation, Gene’s seatmate introduced himself as Bill Hybels, the pastor of Willow Creek Community Church, one of the largest churches in the country. Bill told Gene he had done a good job.

Pastor Smith said the reason he sometimes gives a gospel presentation in church services is because he believes “a healthy church will always have some people who aren’t Christians.”

Pastor Smith didn’t give the benediction that morning. He called Gary, the pastor of another local congregation, Clinton Congregational Church, to come forward. The men meet regularly in a local ministerial group, and Smith had Gary “work on his vacation.”

After church, our friend Alex and another gentleman, Tom, cooked and served hot dogs. (They do this every Sunday in July. By the way, these MA hot dog buns are different from West Coast hot dog buns. Someone suggested that they’re more lobster roll style buns.)

Oh, and about the light fixture in Sam’s kitchen: Alex climbed up on the counter and fixed it after Bible study. Because that’s what people at Trinity do -- help bring God’s light to each other.

Statistics

Service Length: 1 hour 27 minutes

Sermon Length: 29 minutes

Visitor Treatment: We were greeted on arrival (and we'd been welcomed with open arms when we helped set up for Vacation Bible School on Saturday afternoon). During the service, visitors were encouraged to fill out a card in the rack in front of them, and there was also a book in the lobby for visitors to sign. There was a greeting time during the service, and afterwards, several people spoke to us (because the pastor knew we were coming, he'd mentioned us just before the greeting time).

Followup by Tuesday Morning: none Pastor Smith sent an email thanking us for helping set up for VBS (he doesn't know how much we enjoyed it!) and visiting on Sunday.

Our Rough Count: 130

Probable Ushers' Count: 150

Snacks: hot dogs and potato chips, water and lemonade

Musicians: acoustic guitar (2 men)

piano (man)

vocals (2 women; one played tambourine for one of the songs)

Songs: "Great is Thy Faithfulness"

"Come ye Sinners"

"To the Cross I Cling"

"The Lord's Prayer"

"Wonderful Grace of Jesus" (a biography of the composer was inserted in the bulletin)

"Doxology"

"There is a Kingdom"

Miles to church: 5 miles

Miles from start: 33,551

Total 2016 Miles: 33,255

Church website: www.trinitybolton.org

16th Street Baptist Church, Birmingham, Alabama

"That's good theology," the Reverend Kenneth Hicks, associate minister of 16th Street Baptist Church, remarked a number of times in response to a comment by one or another of the Sunday School teachers. Mindy and I had arrived early for the Wednesday night Bible study, and the weekly teacher training was going on. Every week the teachers of the adult, youth, and children's classes gather to go over the Scripture which will be taught in each of the classes the next Sunday morning. (This week the passage was Mark 10, focusing on the story of the rich young ruler. In the training session, when a woman commented on the divinity of Christ, Hicks said, "That's good theology," as he did when another teacher, a man, said, "We are saved by grace through faith and not through our own good works."

"Good theology" is a major reason we decided to go to the church. Sure, the history is what drew our attention in the first place. 16th Street Baptist served as a meeting place for civil rights leadership and mass meetings in the early 1960s.  The church provided a staging area for marches and protests. But the church is remembered most for a tragic event that took place Sunday morning, September 15, 1963. A bomb set near one of the entrances to the church exploded, injuring 20 people inside the church and killing four girls (aged 11 - 14). This tragic event helped turn the heart of the nation to sympathy for the plight of American Americans in the South.

So the historical significance of the church got us interested in this particular church. But most of those events took place more than half a century ago. Was the church still a going concern? And if it was, was it perhaps living on its historical laurels? I was encouraged by a quick visit to their website when I found these words on their home page: "When all is said and done, all that we aspire to BE and all we attempt to DO is intended to glorify Jesus through the power and presence of the Holy Spirit to the glory of God the Father. Jesus really is our MAIN ATTRACTION. He is the reason we are!" As the Rev. Ken would say, "That's good theology."

When we arrived at the church on Wednesday evening, we did have a bit of a struggle figuring out how to get in. The main doors were locked, as were a couple of downstairs doors with signs noting the hours of church tours. Eventually, we saw a couple bringing in food through a back door, and we followed them. (I believe the food was for the sack lunches the youth group would give to the homeless on Saturday.)

The couple carrying the food welcomed us and led us downstairs. A woman sitting near the table full of Sunday School teachers introduced herself as Candie Price. She explained about the training session and said the Bible Study would start soon and that we could sit anywhere. A number of people greeted us warmly as they entered before the study began.

The Reverend Arthur Price, Jr. (we didn't make the connection that he and Candie had the same last name...and were married to each other) led the Wednesday evening Bible study. He mentioned that the group is studying the major prophets, and on this evening he led a survey through the first chapters of Ezekiel. If you know this book, you know that Rev. Price is willing to challenge his people, taking on this grim foretelling of judgment full of opaque imagery. But Rev. Price brought clarity and practical application to these daunting passages.

Since we'd had a preview of coming attractions on Wednesday night, we definitely wanted to go to Sunday School before the worship service on Sunday morning. We got to church a little early, and different people helped us find the Married Couples class. The gentleman who ushered us to the church office building next door to the church (where our class was being held; the building was the parsonage until about 1960) prayed with us before leaving for his own class. The discussion in class was intelligent and lively. As we talked about the wealth of the young ruler in the Gospel of Mark, we discussed our relative wealth. One class member talked about his love of suits ("Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your reputation") and our relative wealth compared to the rest of the world. There was a good discussion about the importance of bringing people of different economic classes together in the church.

When we entered the sanctuary for worship after Sunday School, we were offered a visitor's card for our names and contact information. During announcements in the worship service, the names on the visitor's cards were read and we (along with other visitors) were introduced individually and asked to stand. There were a couple of dozen students visiting from a high school, East Mecklenburg in Charlotte, North Carolina. Apparently, students from the school visit the church every year. 

We had expected (okay, hoped for) a robed adult choir, but instead had the treat of both a children's choir and a youth choir singing in the service, along with quite a lot of congregational singing.

Rev. Price was finishing a six part sermon series the morning we attended. The series looked at the miracles of Jesus in the Gospel of John, "Resetting the Ministry." The title of the sermon was "When God Delays" about the resurrection of Lazarus from John 11. When Rev. Price asked the congregation if they'd experienced unwanted delays, frustration, and tragedy in life, there were loud exclamations of agreement.

Rev. Price concluded the sermon with a delightful illustration about taking his wife to McDonald's during their days of dating. If one ordered by the numbers of the menu, he said, the orders always came more quickly. But if you wanted a special order ("hold the onions, mayo instead of the secret sauce"), they would write your name on the ticket, and the order took longer. But the delay was there to make things right, which is the reason God sometimes delays an answer to prayer.

16th Street Baptist has challenges that any big city church faces and some unique challenges of its own. It seems that many people have moved away from downtown and are commuting to the church from the suburbs. The church is surrounded by the poor and the homeless. And, uniquely,  the church has many who come to the church as a tourist destination rather than as a place of worship. Yet the church seems to be allowing God to turn all of those potential obstacles into opportunities to bring Him glory. That's good theology.

Statistics

Service Length: 1 hour 48 minutes

Sermon Length:  38 minutes

Visitor Treatment: We (and all other visitors) were greeted officially by ushers and unofficially by members of the congregation. During the announcements, visitors were greeted by name (if they'd filled out the visitor card) and asked to stand. At another point in the service, members were asked to greet visitors with, "The Jesus in me greets the Jesus in you." Nobody said those words to me, but hands were shaken and hugs exchanged on all sides.

Followup by Tuesday Morning: none

Our Rough Count: 174

Probable Ushers' Count: 225

Snacks: none

Musicians: keyboard (man), organ (man), percussion (man), clarinet (man), maybe a trombone? (man), youth choir (8 girls, 5 boys, 1 woman leading), children's choir (3 girls, 5 boys)

Songs: Thank You, Lord (solo)

How Great is our God

Doxology

What a friend we have in Jesus

I am a CHRISTIAN (children's choir)

Praise Him (children's choir)

When praises go up, the blessings come down (youth choir)

We have come into this place to worship Him

All things come of Thee, O Lord

Intentional (youth choir)

Softly and tenderly

Miles to church: 29

Miles from start: 8,169 8,537

Total 2016 Miles: 8,124 8,482

Church website: 16thstreetbaptist.org